Pulse

Pulse

April 10, 2018

This song is dedicated to those who struggle with depression, as well as other mental illnesses.

"You're in an ocean of water. You are a representation of your body in its physical state, but the water represents your soul. For some reason, depression makes you feel as though both are separate. As if you are physically alive, but mentally, you're the opposite. You're constantly trying to find shore - a safe haven where your mind and your body can take a break, where they don't have to feel like they are separated, where you can just feel alive for a little while. Everytime you try swim to shore, waves capsize you and you feel as though you're drowning. While underwater, all you hear is the eerie sound of your pulse - proving to you that you're still breathing, still alive. But this time is different, because this wave has capsized you and for some reason, you've lost the willpower to fight back. You realize shore is too far, you realize hope is gone, you realize that maybe you're not meant to find shore right now. You feel like giving up, but through the ripple in the surface of the water, you see the sun creep through your gloomy day. "Maybe there is a reason to keep fighting today", you think. You frantically swim upwards, trying to release yourself from the grasp that your soul has now wrapped you in. You reach the surface. The shore is in sight, but you have to fight another day."

This track was made during, arguably, my worst depressive state - back in 2014. I tried to release it multiple times, but when I listen to it, I get flashbacks of how I felt and it affects me quite a bit. That's okay though because I have to accept that my depression is something I deal with from time to time. It isn't me, it doesn't define me, but I do struggle with it. I feel like releasing this may help myself and others who struggle. ♥




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this song is about growth, distance and missing someone close to you. the piano melody was made as i looked back on the past year – the places i went, the people i saw, the general nostalgia of a good year.

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